Wednesday 17 August 2011

All My Friends Are Fucking Cooks part one - Andy Speck



Fuck it, outta my skull bored, so I’m at the Night Kitchen with Candice trying to interview/dissect Andy Speck without him getting wise. This may or may not be what was said or what happened. And with limited context: All my friends are fucking cooks part one – Andy Speck
Kevin and Candice Interview Andy at the NightKitchen
Kevin: Candice we have to interview Andy without him knowing about it.
Andy: y'all can gang bang the shit out of me.
Candice: he likes gang baning
Kevin: what?
Candice: he likes gang banging
Kevin: hmmmm.
...
Candice: what are your dick plans for tomorrow
Andy: DIRTYMOTHERFUCKER
Andys dick: im gonna fuck a pie
Andy: Harlow got a pink rhinestone leather collar.she needs spikes on it so people know that she is gonna jump up claws first on them. I LOVE YOU I COULD EAT YOU.
Andy: [Andy sings the cramps]
Candice: that's alot of pizza you're eating there cflow, not watching your figure?
Cflow: nope.
Candice: cflow do you think andy is handsome?
Cflow: sure yeah. [nods head and smiles]
Andy: [walks in from outside] YEAH [goes to the loo]
Kevin: pretending to dry your hands good move
Andy: just spreading the piss evenly. piss spread!...UGLY MOTHERFUCKER.
Kevin: what is andy known for around here?
Candice: cut up black tshirts and outburst..."UGLY MOTHERFUCKER."
Andy: small head. bighands.
Kevin: big hands big feet small head
Andy: big hands but narrow
Harrlow: BARK BARK [just like his dick]
Kevin: big dick but narrow
Andy: yeah man...what are you doing over there?
Candice: wouldnt you like to know
Andy: I asked didn't I.
Cflow: [grabs a cookie from the cookie jar] are those gonna kill you?
Andy: i love ghetto cooking got good at it
Andy: good for you rory nice balls.
Andy: WHOA is that guy portaging down hunter street. he's been berzerkered.
Andy: [rubs pepperoni on face] thats gonna be a lucky slice for someone.
Andy: YEA
Kevin: when do you think his next outburst will be?
[ Andy sucks fork with experience and does a weird sexy dance with paper towel.]
Candice: oh its still happening. Does the dancing count as an outburst or is there a difference between pysical out bursts and vocal outburst?
ANDY: [doing dishes] WHOATHERE'SDILLINTHIS
Kevin: its as if there are a cluster of outburst
Candice: like he is going into outburst labour, they are getting closer and closer together.
Candice: he needs to start saying radical more
Andy: i like to do whaterever my friends want me to start to do.
[Andy starts whistling]
Candice: he's making his own music now
Andy: RUNNINAROUUUNDDDDD!
Andy: i'm gonna starting fucking the pizza before i put it in the case. I'm trying to better myself. that's why i've been saying radical more. not to cum, just a quick fuck.
Andy: Cflow are we done yet, fuck!
Candice: swearing in front of children. Radical. where'd you get a pear there buddy?
Andy: RJ's i told him too. We're getting bubble wrap with the produce, wicked. sorry radical, it's new...not the bubble wrap, radical.
Andy: AHHHHWHAT. I labeled the mustard mustarded and someone took it off and replaced it with mustard.
Andy: can i read that i forget everything i've said.
Candice: you know what we're doing
Andy: im weird not retarded, dont say retarded say stupid i dont want to offend anybody.
Candice:you already said mustarded.
Andy: i don't care about mustards, fucking mustarded's they dont scare me.
Andy: I MUST TURD. MUST TURD. SO MUCH PIZZA MUST TURD.
Andy: I've eaten so much pizza my shit hasn't floated in three years.
Kevin: how should we end this?
Andy: I dont know im going out for a smoke. [physical outburst Andy starts dancing outside]

Friday 12 August 2011

EVIL WHITE

Absolutely wild, what turns you on to this sort of thing? No matter how much, try to get with it, grow those Fs and Vs, can't get with it. Wanna pick fruit and pull root, you know be that harvestier, fundamentally opposed. I don't know if I'll ever really understand it, can't get away from the cancer. Want cancer, can't get on with the simple life, can't attended to the richness of life,  seek to inherit depravity. Is it possible to have both naturalism and despair - simplicity and masochism?